Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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