Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
