You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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