So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
