I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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