if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
