I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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