You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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