Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
