you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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