hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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