Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
