I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
