he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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