ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
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I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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