My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
