Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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