I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
