Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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