she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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