i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
