the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
