Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
