Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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