The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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