Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
