I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
