Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
