mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
