dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
