I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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