Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
