Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
