i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
