M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
