You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
