Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
