just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
