from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
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These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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