She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
