So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
