i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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