Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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