Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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