This is not my ceiling
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
