She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Pants are for mortals
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
