just come out here and I will go home with you...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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