I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
