So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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