What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
