Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
