Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
