If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
