You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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