ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
