Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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