yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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