She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
