They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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