he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
