if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
