So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
