That's intense
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
