the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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