does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize