Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
