This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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