I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
