i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
