I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
