You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
