Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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