I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
