it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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