Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
