apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My vagina just recognized that song.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
